A day in the life of Kate and Jess
Take a look at what life looks like for Kate and Jess.
How do your mornings usually start?
They start early. Kate is up first normally around 5.30am. Coffee first—this is an essential part of the routine. Packing lunch boxes and filling water bottles up for 5 children for the day ahead. Then everyone starts waking up, normally without too much poking and prodding. Then we need to help the 3 smaller children to get dressed. The older 2 children can complete their morning routine independently which is a blessing.
On the days we both have work, we work in healthcare and shifts start at 7am—the children have to be dropped at before school care and kindy at 6.30am.
What takes up most of your day?
I believe listening to our children’s stories and feelings. With 5 little ones around there is never a quiet moment. Our spare hours are spent playing games, attending school engagements and attending community events.
You leave the house, and a child has forgotten something. What's is it most likely to be?
This is a funny one as it depends on the child. Miss 2 is likely to have forgotten her lunch bag, forever needing her snacks. Master 5 is his scruffy bunny—his well-loved jelly cat bunny. Miss 5 forgot her whole school bag, Miss 8 her library bag or laptop and Miss 11 likely her musical instrument or drama speech.
Do you have any outside-school activities?
The 2 older children attend art classes and currently school squad swimming. The 3 younger ones just enjoy spending time down the beach or attending parks. As keen interests grow, our afternoons will become busier as we attend more activities. We also have allied health and medical appointments to attend as we want to see our children thrive and not just survive.
What is your evening routine like?
Our evening routine is like an Olympic sport. Everyone has their own position and responsibilities. Pyjamas and nappies/pull-ups are always laid out during the day. Baths and showers happen at around 5.30pm to ensure we are all sitting around the table having dinner at 6pm.
Having our meals together is something we always make an effort to do. We love hearing about each other’s day and it gives us a chance as parents to check in on activities that are required for the days to come.
Once dinner is finished all the children have their own “job” that they get pocket money for if completed correctly. They tick off their charts as all the tasks are completed. Then, it’s quiet reading/activity before lights out at 8pm.
What’s your favourite thing to do when you have free time?
We do love spending time at the beach, collecting shells and taking in the fresh air. We also love to have a meal or coffee date together without the children, even though this is few and far between. Finding someone to babysit 5 children is always a challenge.
How did you feel when the child/children in your care arrived to stay with you?
There is always a sense of excitement, worry and sadness. Excitement, because you can help these children during the worst time of their life. Worry, because there is so much uncertainty. How will they behave? How will the other children feel? How long will they stay? What sort of behaviours will they have? Sadness, because children should be with birth family and no one wants to disrupt that.
However, it is everyone’s job to keep children safe and sometimes entering foster care is the safest option for them. These children do not choose to be in this situation, and they are being taken away from everything that they know as “their normal”.
What is the child/children in your care’s greatest strengths and skill?
Their greatest strength is their ability to love unconditionally and show resilience in their ever-changing situation. Believe it or not, the children teach us far more about life than we think.
What are some of the ways you keep the kids connected to family or culture?
We do monthly contact at the park with birth mum. We also send photos via email. This helps keep family connected. However, this can look different for every child who comes to our house.
If you could have one superpower, what would it be and why?
We wish we had the superpower of unlimited funds so we didn’t have to work and could take in and care for as many foster children as possible. That is Jess’ and my dream, however we all still have bills to pay, and our house is only so big.
If you could have 3 wishes for your child/children in care, what would they be?
- To feel loved and know they are worthy of love.
- To know that they will always have a safe place in our family, and somewhere to call home.
- That they know they are as important as anyone else and have equal opportunities.
Do you have a favourite story, or special memory about a moment where you could see that you’ve made an impact on a child’s life?
We cared for a newborn 6 years ago who was placed with birth family after us. We built a beautiful rapport with their birth family and have been invited to all their birthday parties post reunification.
We also cared for another infant who was placed with birth family after us. We always made sure that we sent baby photos in an album when children left our care. We built a great relationship with this birth family also and baby’s Aunty messaged me not long ago and said they took the baby photos we gave her for show and tell at school.
We all take for granted childhood photos, however many children are not lucky enough to have these. That’s why we always make an effort to provide these.
How would you sum up being foster carers in one word or sentence?
It is a beautiful mess. There is never a perfect time to foster children. Just a lot of opportunities to say yes despite the many reasons you have to say no.
Why did you become foster carers? What type of care have you provided?
Jess and I have always had a love for helping others, especially children in need. Jess also grew up in a family who fostered children and was exposed to the need for foster families in the community.
Once we had bought a house and settled in, we knew we wanted children but didn’t know how. To start, we would often help with the children placed with Jess’ mum. It brought us purpose and joy so commenced our own fostering journey. Once licenced, we started as respite and emergency carers due to the nature of our shift work. As the years went on, we had 4 biological children and also started taking in short and long-term placements.
We have now been fostering for 14 years and have had nearly 50 children placed in our home. Each and every one of those children has taken a part of our hearts.
How has being foster carers impacted your life?
It has given us a great appreciation for how simple our lives are compared to how complicated these children’s lives are and they didn’t ask for any of it. Our biological children are humbled by having foster children in our house and often ask if there will be any children coming for a “playdate”. Our children too have a lot of love to give. We have open discussions with our children when considering placements and we never make a decision without this consideration.
When starting as foster carers, did you feel welcomed and respected as an LGBTIQA+ person?
Yes, we have never had any negative experiences.
What would you tell other LGBTIQA+ people are the benefits of providing foster care? What advice would you give LGBTIQA+ people considering foster care?
Often as LGBTIQA+ people we have experienced what it is like to feel “different”. More often than not, these children when they enter the world of foster care also feel “different” from other children. As LGBTIQA+ people we have lived experience and can help these children through the worst part of their lives. We all have so much to give to these children.
Yes, it is easy to sit on the side lines and live our happy simple lives. But these children need grownups to take a risk and say yes. It is the most rewarding, crazy thing you will ever do. These children are all worth it.
Is there anything else you you’d like to share?
Just take the risk. If you have been thinking about it, and you think ‘oh I’ll get too attached’, you will make the greatest foster parent. People are often quick to say ‘but I could never give them back’. If you get attached, remember it is natural and it a sign that whilst the child has been in your care they have been loved. As adults we are more equipped with coping mechanisms and sometimes it is harder for us carers and not for the children.
From the children
Miss 8: I like having other foster kids because they are fun to play with. I like giving them a safe place to call home and where they can be themselves.
Miss 11: Sometimes foster children don’t have a home and can move houses often. We like to be able to give them that home. We once had a friend come into our care and it made me feel happy because I knew she was now in a safe place. I have learnt to be grateful for what we have because some children aren’t as lucky.
Master 5: I like sharing my bedroom and toys. Sometimes when children go home I like to give them a toy for them to remember us.
Miss 5: I like having other children to play with and they help me learn new things.