Helping a child to settle in

Being prepared

Try to think what it must be like for the child that is coming to live with your family. They may have just become separated from their family for the first time, or they may have experienced several disruptions to their care arrangements. The child may be:

• experiencing trauma
• grieving for the separation from parents, siblings, friends, peers, pets and their own home
• missing their toys and other possessions
• facing an interruption to their schooling, recreational activities
• feeling frightened, abandoned, anxious, uncertain
• behaving in a way that indicates they are cautious, indifferent, withdrawn, upset or distrustful.

The first impression you create with the child is important and can set the scene for the early days. Some things to consider:

• include the whole family and talk about ways in which they can help
• you have or can arrange a loan of a suitable car restraint or other essential items
• there are spare personal items such as a toothbrush, hairbrush, pyjamas
• check that the bedroom is okay for a child of that age
• drawers or wardrobes have space for their clothing and possessions
• there are age appropriate toys or books.

Feeling welcome

Do not expect the child to fit in straight away. Your lifestyle and rules may be very different to what they have been used to. On top of this, no matter what their age is, they are likely to be dealing with a range of mixed emotions at this time.

Even in emergency situations, steps can be taken to lessen a child’s anxiety. As part of the settling in process there are many things you and family members can do, taking into account the child’s age and emotional state:

• be welcoming and remove interruptions upon the child's arrival so that you are fully present with them
• depending on their age, offer a few options on how the child can address you, for example, “other children who have stayed here with us have called me XX or XX, what would you prefer?”
• introduce other household members, or have them introduce themselves
• take them, or ask your children to take them, on a tour of the house and property
• show them their room and where they can unpack their belongings
• outline your routines and basic rules about bedtime, TV and mealtime
• ask about their favourite foods and try to include that at the next meal.

It will take time for the child to get used to their new living arrangements. If you identify the need for additional services for the child or yourself, then contact the Child Safety Officer or your support worker to discuss what additional support or services can be provided.

Belongings

A child may arrive with items of clothing, toys or other belongings which do not seem very valuable. These possessions may be the child’s links to their family, or to other memories, and it will be important that these are treated with respect. Make sure that you seek their view before making decisions to discard any of their possessions.

Their possessions should move with them when they leave your care. Some foster and kinship care services will ask you to maintain an inventory of the child’s belongings.

Children in care can get mixed messages about what belongs to them and what does not. Many children in care have suffered trauma and loss, and may become very attached to items they use in your home.

Consider the following examples:

• If the child wears an item of clothing, or uses an item for grooming, it is personal, and it belongs to the child (such as a toothbrush or hairbrush)
• If the item is purchased using the fortnightly caring allowance, it belongs to the child to keep
• If a child loves ‘Dora the Explorer’ or ‘Bob the Builder’, and you buy bed linen and towels with those characters on them, they are personal and belong to the child to keep
• If you give a child a gift, it belongs to the child to keep
• Towels that are pulled out of the cupboard and used by anyone in the household are not a personal item.

You can help the child to understand what belongs to them and what does not.

For items that do not belong exclusively to the child, you can talk to the child about it being something that is not owned by one person, but is a shared item by all household members (for example, the swing in the garden, the Xbox that the whole family uses or the bike that is shared).