Is my relationship healthy?
If you feel like your relationship isn’t healthy and there are signs of controlling behaviour that are intimidating, hurtful, scary, or isolating—you're right to check if it's coercive control.
What's healthy and what's harmful
It’s important to know there’s no place for coercive control and abusive behaviours (physical or non-physical) in a healthy relationship.
If you notice a pattern of manipulation and abusive behaviours in your relationship, you might be experiencing coercive control. If you're worried or unsure, support is available.
| Healthy relationships | Harmful relationships |
|---|---|
| Correct. You feel safe and comfortable | You feel unsafe or worry anything you do or say could anger or upset them. You feel like you're 'walking on eggshells'. |
| Correct. You feel loved and supported | Incorrect. They limit your social life and isolate you from friends and family |
| Correct. You decide or have a say in where you go, who you have contact with, and how you spend your time. Sometimes you go out by yourself, sometimes you go out together (sometimes you decide this yourself, sometimes you decide this together) | Incorrect. They won’t let you go out without them or without their permission, or say they prefer you to stay home with them. They decide where you go, who you have contact with and how you spend your time. They never let you have a say or decide. |
| Correct. You can share your opinion without fear | 'Gaslighting'/making you question your own mind |
| Correct. You can be yourself and feel appreciated and valued | Incorrect. Your sense of self and confidence is broken down |
| Correct. Your partner/family member/informal carere has your best interests at heart | Incorrect. You are constantly humiliated and criticised |
| Correct. You can be open and emotionally vulnerable | Incorrect. Your sanity, memory, and sense of reality are constantly questioned |
| Correct. You can make and contribute to decisions freely | Incorrect. You feel like your decisions are controlled or made by someone else |