What is a healthy relationship

Romantic and intimate relationships

A romantic or intimate relationship is typically between people who are dating, living together, engaged or married.

Domestic and family violence can also happen between people that are no longer together, like separated or divorced couples.

We use the word ‘intimate’ to describe a relationship that is sexual. You can be romantic with someone without it being an intimate or sexual relationship.

Family relationships

Family are the people you are related to, like your mother, father, brother, sister, grandparent, aunty, uncle, cousin or children (including adult children). You may also have relatives by marriage, such as in-laws or step-parents.

In your culture, other people might also be called your family or kin, like Elders in Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander communities.

If you experience violence or abuse from your child who is under 18 years old, you still have a right to be protected. If you think this is happening to you, talk about it with someone you trust or contact a support service.

Informal carer relationships

Informal care relationships exist where one person is dependent on another person for help with essential daily tasks, such as dressing or grooming, meal preparation, grocery shopping or arranging medical care.

An informal carer could be your partner, family member, friend, neighbour or a member of your community. They might receive a carer payment from the Australian Government, but not always.

Informal care does not include help provided by a disability support worker.

Other types of relationship

No matter what type of relationship or care arrangement you have, if you think somebody is hurting or abusing you, help and support is available. You can talk about it with someone you trust or contact a support service.

Respect

• You respect each other and your differences.
• You respect each other’s boundaries and can say ‘no’ to things you don’t want to do.
• You believe each other to be trustworthy and honest.
• You make decisions together.
• You can make compromises because you respect each other’s opinions.
• No one tries to control what the other person thinks, does, or says.

Kindness

• You are there for each other through good times and bad times.
• You show affection to one another.
• You each do acts of kindness to make the other person happy.

Trust

• You trust each other not to do anything hurtful or to ruin the relationship.
• You don’t question each other’s intentions or whether they are being truthful.
• You respect each other’s privacy and don’t expect to have access to the other person’s phone, email or social media.

Communication

• You openly share your feelings, hopes and dreams.
• You listen to each other’s ideas and opinions.
• When you disagree, you have a respectful discussion where you listen to each other.
• You can tell the person they are doing something that upsets you and they will try to change their behaviour.

Being equals

• Everyone puts the same effort into making the relationship work.
• No-one acts like their needs are more important than the other’s.
• You make compromises when you disagree or don’t want the same thing.
• You share responsibilities, like cooking, cleaning, parenting, or paying bills.
  (Note: People have different ways of sharing expenses and tasks in their relationships. The arrangement should be discussed and agreed on together. It should feel like everyone plays an equal part.)
• You have access to the resources you need, like money and transport.

Freedom

• You enjoy spending time together as well as apart—either alone or with friends and family.
• You support each other to have your own hobbies and interests, as well as other relationships with family and friends.
• You don’t need to know about or be involved in every part of each other’s lives (e.g. all the places you go or the people you see or talk to).

Safety

• You feel comfortable and safe in each other’s company.
• If there is a problem, you can raise it with the other person without being scared of how they may react.
• You don’t feel forced by the other person to do things you don’t want to do.
• You don’t harm each other physically or say things that make the other person feel hurt or scared.
• No-one makes threats about what will happen if they don’t get their way.