Sexuality and sexual health

Sections on this page:

• Talking to a child in your care about sexuality
• Learning about sexuality
• Helpful tips for discussing sexuality with a child in your care
• Topics to talk about
• Getting help

Children in care have the right to receive information and support about sexuality, relationships and reproductive health. It is important that children receive positive messages about their sexuality, sexual development and safety.

Talking to a child in your care about sexuality

Talking about sexuality with the child in your care in a safe, supportive and age-appropriate way, is normal. The information should be reinforced and evolve as the child grows older.

One of the best ways to talk to a child about sexuality is to share a small amount of information over many conversations that is clear, correct and positive. It is best for this information to come from the adults in their life that they know and trust. As a carer, you may be the best person to provide this information to the child.

Learning about sexuality

Children learn about sexuality all the time, from the adults around them, TV, music, magazines, advertising, social media and their friends.

Children in care often have poorer sexual health outcomes compared to other children, including:

• higher rates of sexual activity at a younger age, pregnancy, parenting and sexually transmitted infections
• higher rates of sexual abuse and sexually reactive behaviours.

Children in care may have experiences that confuse their understanding of sex and relationships and may not have had access to sexual health information, education and services.

Children who receive age-appropriate information about their sexuality, from early childhood, are safer from sexual abuse and more likely to make informed and responsible sexual decisions later in life.

Helpful tips for discussing sexuality with a child in your care

• Be factual, honest and positive when answering questions. Give enough information to adequately answer their question. For example, you may ask the child or young person what they know about the topic they raised so you are clear what they are asking.
• Let them take the lead on how much information they are asking each time. If the child wants more information, they will ask another question.
• Use the correct terminology—we call an arm an ‘arm’ and a nose a ‘nose’, so it makes sense to call a penis, vulva, vagina or breast by its correct name as well. By doing this, you normalise these words and don’t single out these parts of the body as being different. This helps the child to talk about these parts of the body using the right language.
• Discuss sexuality issues in a private place. Sometimes children ask questions at awkward times or places, such as the supermarket, sitting in a crowded bus, or when you are just too busy. When this happens, let them know that their question is very important and that it is one that is better discussed when you are at home together or when you are not so rushed.
• Always make sure you talk with the child when the time is right.
• Use ‘teachable moments’ to raise the subject—it could be a friend or relative who is pregnant; a pet may have babies; an issue may be raised on television or in the newspaper; or if an older child in the home is going through puberty.
• Be conscious that you are a role model for the child in your care. For example, they will learn about personal space, privacy and respectful interactions by observing this behaviour in your home.
• Be accepting and non-judgmental in your interactions with the child or young person when discussing sexuality. The child or young person in your care may have had a traumatic background that may impact on their understanding of sex and sexuality.

Topics to talk about

Sexuality education includes learning about sexual development, reproductive health, interpersonal relationships, safety, hygiene, self-esteem, feelings and emotions, body image and gender roles.

Topics may include:

• public and private body parts and behaviours
• puberty (including periods and wet dreams)
• types of touch
• relationships
• sexual relationships
• decision-making
• safe sex
• protective behaviours
• consent
• sharing intimate images.

It’s important that young people understand the risks and consequences associated with sharing intimate images. Visit Sharing intimate images without consent to read about the laws.

Getting help

When it comes to talking about sexuality, people can become embarrassed. If you feel embarrassed or uncomfortable, talk about this with the child in your care. It may be helpful to practice or script some responses just in case they are needed later.

A calm reaction to a question about sex and sexuality by a child can help develop trust and a sense of safety for them. You could say something like, “I’m finding this a little difficult because no-one ever spoke openly to me about sexuality when I was growing up. But this is important, so I really want to talk to you.”

This way the child will not think this subject is inappropriate or rude to ask about. It is important that they know you care and can be approached. They will respect you for your honesty.

Your Child Safety Officer can give you support, and sexuality education may be a part of a child’s case plan. If the child or young person is at school, they may be receiving sex education and it might be helpful to find out what is being discussed in curriculum.

True Relationships offers a range of resources that help to identify, understand and respond to sexual behaviours. There are also a range of training modules and resources, specifically developed for carers, and provided through your support agency, on such topics as:

• self protection for children and adolescents
• self protection for children with a disability
• sexuality and autism
• preparing for puberty
• identifying and responding to sexual behaviours in children and young people.