Signs someone I know could be in a harmful relationship

You may suspect someone you know is  experiencing or at risk of experiencing behaviour related to domestic and family violence or coercive control but not feel sure.

Sometimes abuse can be hard to spot and sometimes the person being harmed may not think what’s happening to them is abusive, especially if it’s non-physical abuse. It’s okay if you’re not sure.

If something about a relationship doesn’t feel right, you’re doing the right thing by looking into it.

Possible signs of domestic and family violence or coercive control

Here are some possible signs that someone may be experiencing domestic and family violence or coercive control. The person may:

• seem intimidated or frightened by their partner, or withdrawn or reluctant to speak. If there are children, they may seem timid, frightened or too well behaved in the partner’s presence
• be overly anxious to please their partner
• say their partner constantly follows, rings or texts them wanting to know where they are, what they are doing and who they are with. You may also notice this yourself
• be regularly criticised or verbally put down by their partner in front of you or other people
• change their behaviour in their partner’s presence
• become quiet during a conversation with their partner, or their partner dominates the direction of the conversation
• be given a look, action or gesture from their partner that makes you feel uncomfortable
• say their partner is jealous and possessive and accuse them of having affairs with, talking to or thinking about other people
• refer to their partner or family member as having a bad temper or being moody, especially when they have been drinking
• seem concerned by their partner's use of drugs, alcohol or general wellbeing
• repeatedly have bruises, marks, burns, scratches, broken bones or other injuries that are inconsistent with the explanation provided
• have marks around their neck or difficulty in talking or swallowing that may indicate their partner has tried to strangle them
• wear inappropriate clothing in summer months such as scarves and long sleeves or wear heavy make-up and sunglasses inside to hide signs of physical abuse
• often be late to work or appointments or cancel meetings with you at the last minute
• stop seeing or speaking with you, friends and family
• say their partner controls the money (i.e. gives them none or not enough and makes them account for every cent that is spent)
• be reluctant to work from home or return home after a day out or in the office
• indicate their partner makes the big decisions around the home, including decisions about parenting, finances, who to socialise with, where they go and how they spend their time.

Find out more about the signs of domestic and family violence and coercive control

See the patterns of coercive control