Support for people using violence

Domestic and family violence (DFV) can impact anyone, however, overwhelmingly men are the main perpetrators of DFV.

It takes self-awareness, strength, and courage to admit to using violence or control. It’s important to seek help so you can be the best partner, father, family member and person you can be. Know that you can change and go on to have healthier, positive relationships.  Help is available to support you to do this.

Are you using harmful behaviour in your relationship?

It’s important to understand what harmful and controlling behaviours look like so you can identify, address and change them.  Abuse is not always physical and include actions that seek to control and dominate the other person.

Abuse can look like:

• Physical abuse – using physical force to hurt, humiliate, threaten or control another person. This can involve choking, slapping, punching or kicking another person or damaging their property.
• Emotional and psychological abuse – doing or saying things to lower another person’s self-esteem and confidence. This can look like constantly criticizing another person, threatening to commit suicide or self-harm and convincing another person that they are ‘crazy’ or lying to make them question their own judgement.
• Verbal abuse – using words to intimidate and scare another person so you can control them. This can involve, yelling, swearing, and shouting.
• Social isolation – restricting who and how often your partner, family member or someone you care for sees other people. This can look like constantly criticizing their friends and family, so they become dependent on you.
• Financial abuse – controlling how someone earns, spends or saves money, so you have power over them. It can start by telling someone that they should leave money matters to you and over time you diminish their confidence until you have full control over their money to fund your lifestyle

While this is not an exhaustive list, it’s important to remember that using harmful, controlling or abusive behaviours isn’t impulsive. If you recognise that you do, or have the potential to use harmful behaviours, help is available.

How can you start changing your behaviour?

If you’ve recognised that you have the potential to use, or do use, harmful behaviours, there are steps you can take to get help and start changing your behaviour.

1. Contact a support service or talk to someone you trust about getting the right help to address and change your behaviour.
2. Identify moments when you’ve noticed you use harmful or abusive behaviours and remove yourself from those situations until you feel confident you can react in a safe, respectful and appropriate way.
3. Learn how you can start to build respectful relationships free from harm, violence and abuse.
4. Keep it up – everyone deserves to have safe, healthy and supportive relationships.

Where to get help

• DVConnect Mensline: 1800 600 636 (9am to 12 midnight, 7 days a week)
• Mensline Australia: 1300 78 99 78 (24/7)
• innerBoy app: A free men's mental health app
• Brother to Brother Crisis Line: 1800 435 799 (24/7)
• Lifeline: 13 11 14 (24/7)
• AskIzzy: visit the website to find local support services in near you
• DVConnect Womensline: 1800 811 811 (24/7)

To find a service provider close to you, please use our local service finder.