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Domestic and family violence (DFV) occurs when one person in an intimate or romantic relationship or former relationship, family or informal carer relationship uses violence or abuse to maintain power and control over the other person.
If you’re worried about emotional or physical safety in a relationship you can talk to someone ready to support you. It’s free and confidential. Find a support service near you.
Types of domestic and family violence, including coercive control
DFV does not always involve physical violence, it can take many forms including coercive control and non-physical forms of abuse .
Everyone experiences DFV differently and there can be no complete list. Here are some examples of how DFV can be experienced.
Coercive control is when someone uses a pattern of abusive behaviours over time that hurt, humiliate, isolate, frighten, and threaten another person in order to control or dominate them.
Coercive control is almost always an underpinning dynamic of domestic and family violence.
Social isolation can start with subtle, controlling behaviours that can end in completely isolating you from your friends, family and support networks, for example:
monitoring your phones and devices without permission
controlling which friends and family members you have contact with
continually criticising your friends and family
purposefully humiliating you in public or in front of other people
moving you away to a geographically isolated location to further separate you from your support network.
Financial abuse can start with subtle, controlling behaviours and result in someone having complete control over your finances, for example:
getting angry about you spending money
taking your pay or restricting your access to joint bank accounts
refusing to pay for your necessary items such as food and medicine
stopping you from working or furthering your education
Emotional abuse is not always easy to identify, but it can lower self-esteem and confidence, impacting your mental health and wellbeing, for example:
constant criticism, put downs and name calling, often in relation to appearance/attractiveness, parenting ability or likeability
intentionally embarrassing you
telling you what to wear or criticising your looks
threatening to commit suicide or self-harm to intimidate and control you.
Psychological abuse can affect your inner thoughts and feelings as well as exert control over your life, for example:
controlling what you eat
controlling access to medications
undermining your sense of reality
questioning your judgement
trying to convince you or your support network that you are ’crazy’ or a ’liar’
frequent abusive text messages or demanding phone calls.
Verbal abuse can include:
yelling, shouting or swearing
using words to intimidate or cause fear
frequently accusing you of having affairs
constant criticism and put downs.
Physical abuse involves causing or threatening physical harm to control you, for example:
slapping, kicking, punching
choking, suffocation or strangulation; anything that prevents you from breathing normally
anything that causes injury
punching holes in walls or breaking furniture and belongings
physically restricting your movement, for example locking you in a room or house or preventing you from leaving
threatening to harm your children, other loved ones or pets.
Technology-based abuse and surveillance can include:
constantly messaging or calling you
checking your phone and other devices without permission
inhibiting your access to technology
monitoring you on social media, or actively abusing and humiliating you on these platforms
using tracking devices to monitor your whereabouts
monitoring your internet usage
taking video or audio-recordings of your home, car and workplace, with or without your consent or knowledge
posting sexually explicit images or videos of you online without your permission; this is also image-based abuse and a form of sexual abuse, and may be referred to as ’revenge porn’.
Stalking and surveillance can include:
following you in your car or on foot
frequent ‘drive-bys’ of your home or workplace
waiting outside your home, workplace or educational facility
leaving unwanted notes or gifts for you to find
talking to friends, neighbours or your children about your movements or activities
constantly keeping check on where you are and what you are doing.
Sexual abuse can include:
forcing or coercing you to have sex or engage in sexual acts
unwanted exposure to pornography
deliberately causing pain during sex
using sexually degrading insults or humiliation during sex.
Reproductive control is often a subset of sexual abuse and can include:
not letting you use contraception or forcing you to use contraception that you do not want to
tampering with your contraception without your knowledge
pressuring you to have a termination you don’t want, or not allowing you to access a termination of pregnancy
pressuring you to start a family or have more children when you are not ready.
forcing you to participate in religious activities
stopping you from taking part in your religious or cultural practices
misusing spiritual or religious beliefs and practices to justify abuse and violence.
Identity-based abuse is often specifically targeted at people from the LGBTIQ+ communities and can include:
threatening to reveal your sexual orientation—outing you—to others
threatening to reveal your HIV status to others
reinforcing your feelings of confusion, shame or guilt about your sexuality to coerce you
using your concern that support services may be homophobic or transphobic to discourage you from seeking help
isolating you from your family, community, or LGBTIQ+ spaces, or threatening to isolate you if the relationship ends.
Domestic and family violence and coercive control can impact anyone, regardless of age, gender, sexual orientation, ethnicity, religion, ability, or location.
Impact on children and young people
Children and young people are also affected by domestic and family violence—even if they haven’t directly seen or heard the abuse or violence.
Children affected by domestic and family violence could:
try to stop the abuse and thereby put themselves at risk
blame themselves
copy the abusive behaviour, bully others or be cruel to animals
be bullied by others
feel fearful, nervous, guilty or depressed
relapse into bed wetting and thumb sucking or have nightmares
show changes in their school behaviour and performance
have unexplained medical problems including headaches, asthma and stuttering
run away from home
attempt suicide or self-harm
abuse drugs and alcohol.
Phone Triple Zero (000) if it's an emergency or if you believe a child is in immediate danger or in a life-threatening situation. If you have reason to suspect a child is experiencing, or is at risk of abuse, contact a Regional Intake Service (Monday to Friday, 9am to 5pm) or the Child Safety After Hours Service Centre on 1800 177 135 (24 hours a day) if outside business hours.
